Top-Secret Reoprt: Space Aliens Hate Dogs!

The secret document - prepared by a group of UFO experts from Russia, the United States, France, Italy and Sweden - has been distributed to governments worldwide. A public disclosure of its revelations is planned for June of this year.

"It's one of the most fascinating documents on aliens I have ever seen," said Dr. Nathan Birnegger, a UFO tracking specialist who has seen the unusual UFO report.

"Everything mankind has ever learned about our visitors from outer space is contained in this one piece of research. It gives an insight into space alien character and capabilities that is simply unavailable anywhere else."

According to Dr. Birnegger, the institute report reveals:

• Space aliens hate dogs. In the centuries spacemen have visited this planet there have been hundreds of cases in which unfriendly canines have attacked and mauled helpless aliens, badly injuring them. To ward off dogs, most aliens carry a special chemical spray.

• Aliens can change sex at will. They enjoy the variety of experience afforded by switching from male to female and feel sorry for humans who are stuck being just one sex all their lives.

• Aliens have absolutely no emotions. All decisions are based on factual information and they have trouble understanding any other way of behaving.

• Aliens suffer extraordinarily from sunburn. To protect themselves from Earth's bright sun they wear special gray metallic suits.

• Aliens love spicy foods and strong-tasting drinks. Their taste buds are so insensitive that with their eyes closed they cannot tell the difference between mashed potatoes and peanut butter.

• Earthly dampness gives aliens arthritis, colds and skin rashes. For this reason, aliens tend to live aboard their spaceships whenever possible and earn hazardous duty pay whenever they are assigned to missions on our planet.