Top-Secret Reoprt: Space Aliens Hate Dogs!
SALT LAKE CITY, Utah - A startling new report from a prestigious UFO
institute reveals everything scientists have learned about space aliens -
including the fact that they hate dogs, love spicy food and can change sex at
will!
The secret document - prepared by a group of UFO experts from Russia, the
United States, France, Italy and Sweden - has been distributed to governments
worldwide. A public disclosure of its revelations is planned for June of this
year.
"It's one of the most fascinating documents on aliens I have ever seen,"
said Dr. Nathan Birnegger, a UFO tracking specialist who has seen the unusual
UFO report.
"Everything mankind has ever learned about our visitors from outer space is
contained in this one piece of research. It gives an insight into space alien
character and capabilities that is simply unavailable anywhere else."
According to Dr. Birnegger, the institute report reveals:
- Space aliens hate dogs. In the centuries spacemen have visited this planet
there have been hundreds of cases in which unfriendly canines have attacked
and mauled helpless aliens, badly injuring them. To ward off dogs, most
aliens carry a special chemical spray.
- Aliens can change sex at will. They enjoy the variety of experience afforded
by switching from male to female and feel sorry for humans who are stuck
being just one sex all their lives.
- Aliens have absolutely no emotions. All decisions are based on factual
information and they have trouble understanding any other way of behaving.
- Aliens suffer extraordinarily from sunburn. To protect themselves from
Earth's bright sun they wear special gray metallic suits.
- Aliens love spicy foods and strong-tasting drinks. Their taste buds are so
insensitive that with their eyes closed they cannot tell the difference
between mashed potatoes and peanut butter.
- Earthly dampness gives aliens arthritis, colds and skin rashes. For this
reason, aliens tend to live aboard their spaceships whenever possible and
earn hazardous duty pay whenever they are assigned to missions on our planet.